Your one year older and another day sweeter today as you are turning five.
For two weeks and one day now the trio will be five, five and two
what’s that make you , you say…. yet another year older in one day.
Today you are five and still your big sister as well
your growing up girl and your real beauty is beginning to shine through. Just as your beginning to get used to being five your sister will be six and you will soon be again following in her very footsteps once more again. not far off years down the road you will then hit ten. Oh boy what will I do then. With each year ahead each year begins as a dread with two of you in the same stage whatever the case yet still another birthday and seeming every year like a race to be the first one there. Happy birthday girl.
This one was written for the love of my mother, I miss you mom.
Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 1:47am
Here I sit wondering how you are. With my eyes wide open I see all the secrets along the edges while I can not keep my thoughts from thinking about you, My heart full of tears and so many a tear. I pray each day within my heart for full recovery. I do not understand this mess amongst us. We’ve worked so hard to come this far to tear down the wals that we had built so high, and build us a bond for us to cherish for life. We’ve come so far to begin the relationship we’ve worked so hard at just begining to only have it torn away from under my feet. Leaving it far behind us as if it was never to be, and seeing nothing but empty felt space around and within me to just sit and wondering how you are. We can’t even talk the way we used to, and I trust noone else like I trusted you. Oh God… is this really the way it must be? I just am not seeing this, and it hurts so so bad. If there may be any will for this to remain and not be taken away I await on you in desprate relief knowing that this will not be the last breath I see. This was too much of a final surpise for me to face, I have and will always remain strong…but it feels so unreal like it is just a test or a learning game. Do not take this love from me that was just begining to leave it far behind. I will do anything to keep it here with me and always by myside. At least till I can really see face with this fact that you have put before me. Then only then to accept what I must upon this sorrow I feel and sadness that I see. Lord please don’t take this away from me. I am not yet ready, there is still so much I need to know and learn.This lord just can not be, this is something that I just do not agree. If this is your will and I may be wrong then settle my soul before it goes on even more too long. Once you have done that I plee from this day till that you may help me to help me see evenmore than I have now, for my love holds too srtong to let go of the bond that I once knew as once becoming strong as both ends had been longing for. Lord I would rather it be me, this just feels so not fair as it has been and has left me to travel this land. Take care of this burden I hold out to you. Do what you can do I pray to not make it true. I need this time lord, I am nowhere near ready you see. I need this time not only to find the lost but to see it within me also. I need to see me. PLEASE Lord God. Please. I pray and I plead do what you can to not take this from me not now not now I ask and I pary. I am just not ready to leave it behind. I feel as if I have failed and yet i believe that I haven’t but I am not ready God, I am not ready.
Legend has it you’re not real or are you yet
I may never know I seen your face before throughout my life
each and every time having more a sense of being and spirit one with you in quiet sence
Questions always turning within my mind of the mythological being you and your hidden times.
How beautiful and elegant you really are you have me wishing on your beauty from afar we are never near or if we are you hide so free and quietly watching in your own bliss
Are you really legend or no
they say ghosts are legend though the truth with that one I already know
they also say that the jersey devil and Sasquatch are legend too
well speak for themselves I say I have seen the jersey devil early in my day
not yet Sasquatch so I can not say as I also can not say much for you
though I wish that I could and that I could really know you
your hair how it waves so
your figure so perfect in every portrait or picture portrade of you
your skin and fin how smooth to the touch and elegant with a shine
your history loved for many at time around
how I so wish I could be like you
others say what is she talking about
She’s crazy I see
She’s speaking of something never meant to be
I am not speaking gibberish you see
I am speaking of the adventure and passion of something i have never seen
I am speaking pure beauty within a mystical mysterious life
Within a sea of great deep beauty’s beneath
I am speaking of the seeking of a creature of elegance and beauty with a fin so filled in jewel as beauty could truly decorate
I am speaking of nothing other than that of a simple and beautiful Mermaid you see.
Here in an unknown environment I sit and think. Life seemimng a bit more complicated with each waking light. My brain so smart it begins to hurt at times, my life so quiet I mellow within my own. I see a man I love so dear yet trulely knowing him within is so different still. It is like a different brand of shoes brand new…. You like them but when you go for the fit it just does not stand in. My minds a boggle in situations of life.Yet when I am near him my heart just continues to float. I know not now what hides beyond door number 3 for each move I take put me within another new journey of the unknown lands.
You’re all I ever think about, you’re my mind and soul.
You’re all I ever think about. You’re what makes me whole.
Your my light in the dark of the night. your my sun brining me a smile again.
You’re all I ever think about. My thoughts always growing nearer to you.
your my key into a life of the deep unknown.
My sand on a beach who continues me well and makes me known.
You’re my everything.
You’re my midnight’s dream.
Wherever you go I will follow.
Shall we never part or say goodbye.
Stay with us always each day till we die.
My love is larger and falling hard, I don’t want to fall too hard to hit the ground.
Pick me up and brush me off.
This life of ours i do not yet know but sone one day will never to be alone. I love you now and forevermore,
This little lady is ready to open the christmas door.
My dream only a glowing realm over my head. Turn it to magic and add in BELIEVE. This day will come as soon as it should.
There will be be nomore living in slum of the hood. Turn into tommorrow, and make us believe.
Don’t cry as I watch from the otherside wishing and hoping that this day will come, that together we become one in a true family.
whispering winds traveling by.
whisping throughout the branches and trees.
Blowing on in like a spirit floating by.
With icy cold breeze bringing chills to your spine.
Headaches rush in…in the middle of the night.
Tears drowning you within your eyes.
All this really no big surprise.
With an uneasy sense of a hush blanketing the sky.
My eyes filling like they want to cry.
My heart beeting wild like a raging wild bull.
giving at chance for that special glance.
Hands nose and mouth loosing full sense of things to do.
My world crashing hard upon this place thay call earth.
before my rest falls short again.
hands trembling at this fear, that no one’s left for me to hear it or see you.
Rapid pulses with every breathe.
Feelings of hope of nothing left…
a door closes with this wind while another is open leaving open for the small gap of sunlight to shine to beeming in,
Not a drop or ray or a drop of pure light just tears of rays seeping the night.
Here I am drowning in this place called life.
All around me living on edge or uderground.
Tears falling like rain umongst my face from my eyes.
Holding in my heart this lifeless love of one flame of hope holding me here.
Wising each day that we’d honestly get there.
Feeling unsure with nothing but breeze entering through this wide open door.
My emotions high and heavey ready to cry again of the tears which just won’t stop.
Life holding me in one locked in place unable to find the button of release.
Hope running slim to none, yet somehow still holding on.
Thinking each day of a new tomorrow, a better tomorrow.
drowning within myself filling my very lungs i breath with filling them with fluid that won’t disperse anywhere.
Living this lifeless love, the only love i now know.
As I look into your eyes through the beams of soft gentle lighting I see nothing more or less than beauty behind the lids which close into the center of your soul. with quiet spirits surrounding you i hear your mellow voice whispering in the night. your hair resting on your brow. your breath carrying with the wind. so subtle that I sometimes forget your there your skin so smooth like baby’s breath. with your gotee sweet as could ever be. Your touch calming me in a warm embrace never without moment. Together our spirts rein throughout the night. not a sound breaking the silence of our intamite balance of love within our hearts, souls and mind. Your beauty brining out the best of life in me. not even silence could break the feelings we show and have for one another.
To have you here is my one last dream i hold within my empty picture frame When is it to be? you my dear mean so much to me in human mind and spiritually. your strength holding me up. your wisdom giving me hope your sexy you making me think i did good but i don’t diserve you. Saying but if I don’t i won’t be happy. You make me me happiest I could ever be. I don’t want to loose that within me. I miss you so, you just never imagine or even know. You complete me and mean the world to me. I don’t want to loose you within me. keep us embraced so we together unite into one spiritually and naturally.