Truth


Is it of me that he speaketh

I want to know what he sees

why do they always hide what they really know and see not sharing it with thee

Why can’t i know and see what others see in me

why can i never know the truth people see

i only know what i hear and have shared

but there is more to the picture of inner truths which is of that i have not been told

If I were dying would someone share it with me

I don’t trust so as there is so much more hidden I have seen already

If I were dying would anyone but he really care

Not too sure but again I don’t think they’d even notice if I just walked out that silent door

Who’d care

would they you sure

lets not find out … please

don’t go there once more

your running and hiding just like you talk not

how can you say when your not facing up to your own very fear

What door haven’t I opened

help me look there then

I don’t know how or i’d do it again to keep practicing then

guide me

show me

help me understand

give me a focus point and help me live again

help me see what you see

from within your eyes

there are thing that are hidden that I would like to bind as my own also

Show me

show me again

help me to define

define this focus of the underline that was to be left to hide

help me to focus better seeing full scale

all that you see…

help me save me love

help me save me

Is It Amnesia?? Something More…


Although I have never looked death in the full face as others I know have. I have been thinking of what about that time that something were to have happened to me. When I was suppose to die. Would I be like some now who are not ready or too afraid and they faked death to be able to live with their loved ones not ready to leave. probably. However no one is to know for sure what will happen that day. Though what if you were to die and then your spirit got lost in the transition between life and death and didn’t want to face the light doing what many spirits could and jumping into another open body to stay alive. I think about that. Could you imagine the stress. Knowing the life you lived but remembering another ones memories and living as another. I wonder if this really happens. Some can call it amnesia, Is this always amnesia though? I wouldn’t see it as amnesia if you choose to live as yourself but someone else. However what if it really wasn’t your full choice. What if your spirit decided and you had not fully consented to it and were trying to live as yourself but things weren’t making sense, Oh I dunno just some random thoughts.

Lye Awake At Night


I lye awake in bed at night.

Watching stars fly in the sky.

Not knowing what tomorrow holds.

wishing you were here tonight.

I lye awake in bed at night

watchings stars fly thru the night

dreaming dreams I wish could be

not knowing what tomorrow brings

I lye awake in bed at night

loosing sleep I need to gain

hoping I see something new,

 for the things in life I can not see.

I lye awake in bed at night.

Watching stars fly in the sky.

Not knowing what tomorrow holds.

wishing you were here tonight

wishing you were by my side

Missing Him So


I lay here in the dark crying inside thinking of him.

for eventhough we are always close there never seems to be the time.

we are always ending like two ships into passing seas.

with all schedules rambled they rarely ever meet in sync.

I lay here crying inside wanting things back as they used to be.

Mising him so and wanting him near to me.

Where the two of us met  eye to eye with not enough time in a day, but all the time in the world for nothing else but us.

Liife now is different I see.

It all feels like a dream slowly becoming a fantasy and moving out of reality.

Late at night is when I miss him worst.

When my world around me begins to slow down.

Why must our times cross at the paths.

Why can’t life just be in bliss.

Sigh, guess it back to bed now lonely again I see.

I lay here at night missing him bad.

Lying my head upon my pillow and hands.

Wishing that I could cry on his shoulder at times.

rarly ever seeing day in a light with us.

Oh how I miss you so my love.

I go back to sleep now to dream again of you.

goodnight my love.

Life is Life


For every tear drop that falls.

For every whistle that blows.

 For every reason with no reasoning.

 There is a wave in the ocean that crashes down.

 For every star in the sky.

For every hour lost.

For every baby that’s born.

 There is a prayer sent up to heaven.

Raindrops fall down.

 Flower petels drop to the ground.

 Snowflakes cover the paths that have been lost many years before.

Travelers looking to find their way.

This is what life is like today.

Pain and sorrow.

Always something new going on tomorrow.

 Life is never fair, and it’s rarely ever there.

Life is Life.

That’s how the marbles roll.

They say life will become better you’ll see.

They say things will come together making a brighter new day.

I’ve seen many things, though for myself I am sure.

What looks dull today.

Though may be harder to accept.

 Will bring life brighter tomorrow in time to come.

I still find way to believe.

You ask me how.

 Yet I don’t know.

Just continue somehow to follow faith in Jesus.

 With better hopes for tommorrow.

For every babies cry.

 For every cats meow. 

For every sound upon the earth there is silence that soon follows behind as well.

For every dark stary night.

 For every sun filled light.

For  everything on earth there is a God.

God created the universe and all around as well.

Nothing so big, nothing so small.

 Our God created all.

Life is Life.

A picture of me


At age of thirty three a women should be happy and free. She shoulod have a life all her own not relying on the ones at home. She should be out on her own doing what it is that makes her happiness shine the best. Enjoying her life and settled down in a nice safe place. Not homeless or stuck in transitions of life. Not a mother without a man in her life. Life is not fair at times you see, but this is true I am thirty-three and a mother of three unexpectadly. However I have accepted this. I still wish that life was more happier and pretty. I am raising my three girls alone not the way it should be, however right now in life that is how it will be. I wish for the day that marriage will approach me, and await the day that I will be a happy family. My love comes from inside and shines out as best can for the kids in my life. Yet behide the closed doors I hide and cry out inside. Life is complicated right now with a kinda dead beat father of three, and with a guy who truly loves me and would do anything for me I see. My life is like a rollercoaster yet, for none around to help me to stand high and stay ahead. Calling me psyco and drama instead. I hide within myself to cover my face. With a father of the three denying one and all. Yet I knowing the truth behind them all. Another man outstepping his very own limits would walk every path just to accept all of us as his own and would love to give us a home. Although in my heart my soul is deep and and sad. Crying out loud is what I know best and right now my inner soul needs a rest. Your heart and soul knowing how you love him but life making you feel like you are drowning instead. To suffer like this I bare to noone. I pray that you will not be stuck in this path ever in any day. My love goes deep but mind washes it all away. Then gems like stars shimmer n shine in the way when I see this guys beauty inside. For now it just the three girls and myself, putting life up high on the shelf to look at and see right now and approach life from a new slate for today. I wish sometimes it were just me looking into a picture i had, that I would not see all the evil and bad that we had. I could shut the door and walk on ahead but from here life right now does not look good out this door.

Eyelids


Eyelids flutter within the thoughts of the night. Shadows crawl across the wall. Evil lurks around the senses of me. I run in anguish and fear. Completely tired and wornout i turn to you in trust of help. Eyes fluttering and closing fast. This night around me will not last. Awaiting the time till my life has faith. When things look up and filled with life. Gotta keep my eyes open and not face the dark. The days ahead i have to hold up my head and stay free of blackness around me. Seeing the skin in thin thin layers. Heavy numb feeling engulfing my entire entity. Another sleepless night in the midst of my lifeless energy and very own being. Things gotta change or lifelessness will become my last path i know. Tears falling from the fluttering eyes. Which can not even see another good in sight.

Sarah’s Birthday Poem


Your one year older and another day sweeter today as you are turning five.
For two weeks and one day now the trio will be five, five and two
what’s that make you , you say…. yet another year older in one day.
Today you are five and still your big sister as well
your growing up girl and your real beauty is beginning to shine through. Just as your beginning to get used to being five your sister will be six and you will soon be again following in her very footsteps once more again. not far off years down the road you will then hit ten. Oh boy what will I do then. With each year ahead each year begins as a dread with two of you in the same stage whatever the case yet still another birthday and seeming every year like a race to be the first one there. Happy birthday girl.

Don’t take my love away – Dedicated to my mother


This one was written for the love of my mother, I miss you mom.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 1:47am

Here I sit wondering how you are. With my eyes wide open I see all the secrets along the edges while I can not keep my thoughts from thinking about you, My heart full of tears and so many a tear. I pray each day within my heart for full recovery. I do not understand this mess amongst us. We’ve worked so hard to come this far to tear down the wals that we had built so high, and build us a bond for us to cherish for life. We’ve come so far to begin the relationship we’ve worked so hard at just begining to only have it torn away from under my feet. Leaving it far behind us as if it was never to be, and seeing nothing but empty felt space around and within me to just sit and wondering how you are. We can’t even talk the way we used to, and I trust noone else like I trusted you. Oh God… is this really the way it must be? I just am not seeing this, and it hurts so so bad. If there may be any will for this to remain and not be taken away I await on you in desprate relief knowing that this will not be the last breath I see. This was too much of a final surpise for me to face, I have and will always remain strong…but it feels so unreal like it is just a test or a learning game. Do not take this love from me that was just begining to leave it far behind. I will do anything to keep it here with me and always by myside. At least till I can really see face with this fact that you have put before me. Then only then to accept what I must upon this sorrow I feel and sadness that I see. Lord please don’t take this away from me. I am not yet ready, there is still so much I need to know and learn.This lord just can not be, this is something that I just do not agree. If this is your will and I may be wrong then settle my soul before it goes on even more too long. Once you have done that I plee from this day till that you may help me to help me see evenmore than I have now, for my love holds too srtong to let go of the bond that I once knew as once becoming strong as both ends had been longing for. Lord I would rather it be me, this just feels so not fair as it has been and has left me to travel this land. Take care of this burden I hold out to you. Do what you can do I pray to not make it true. I need this time lord, I am nowhere near ready you see. I need this time not only to find the lost but to see it within me also. I need to see me. PLEASE Lord God. Please. I pray and I plead do what you can to not take this from me not now not now I ask and I pary. I am just not ready to leave it behind. I feel as if I have failed and yet i believe that I haven’t but I am not ready God, I am not ready.

Mermaid


Legend has it you’re not real or are you yet
I may never know I seen your face before throughout my life
each and every time having more a sense of being and spirit one with you in quiet sence
Questions always turning within my mind of the mythological being you and your hidden times.
How beautiful and elegant you really are you have me wishing on your beauty from afar we are never near or if we are you hide so free and quietly watching in your own bliss
Are you really legend or no
they say ghosts are legend though the truth with that one I already know
they also say that the jersey devil and Sasquatch are legend too
well speak for themselves I say I have seen the jersey devil early in my day
not yet Sasquatch so I can not say as I also can not say much for you
though I wish that I could and that I could really know you
your hair how it waves so
your figure so perfect in every portrait or picture portrade of you
your skin and fin how smooth to the touch and elegant with a shine
your history loved for many at time around
how I so wish I could be like you
others say what is she talking about
She’s crazy I see
She’s speaking of something never meant to be
I am not speaking gibberish you see
I am speaking of the adventure and passion of something i have never seen
I am speaking pure beauty within a mystical mysterious life
Within a sea of great deep beauty’s beneath
I am speaking of the seeking of a creature of elegance and beauty with a fin so filled in jewel as beauty could truly decorate
I am speaking of nothing other than that of a simple and beautiful Mermaid you see.

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