Silence Is Not Me

Each day I awake

sunlight shining bright deep into my face

I lay in my bed alone thinking of you beside me day and night

Not knowing you not knowing hen you will be beside me

yet in the light I see I really ant you and me

I want to be free of this hell I live

I want you and me and to cherish very moment we’re meant to live

I have dreamt of this since I was age nine

I believe if you found me I believe it to be time

Staying alone in my bed fills my heart with somber sad mellow silence

it’s not what I want

I’m bubbly alive and all about play in everyway

I want to shout that you are mine I want to shout that I have someone protecting me

that I am alive in love and have earned and met the white dove

I want everyone to bless what w have

Not have myself shutting down staying silent about that I would have him and hide all that we’d have

I think each day how I wish I had you to cuddle

how I wish life were so much more

alone in my room with silence all around is all I face and see

silence is golden, but it’s not me

I want it all

I want the beauty

I want you

I want us or eternity

I want us to come home

I want to be free and happy

I want to live and experience what beauty could be

I don’t want silence in this hell

I don’t want to be alone each day

I want life

I want love

I want marriage and future

I want you and me

can you see that

can you see past my busy to see deep inside

the feelings I can not express to you

the feelings I need to hide away to be the person I want to be with you

Silence is not me

I love you

I believe that one day

one day we will see each other and be

you and me

Life As An Emerengency Volunteer

The alarm sounded as people from everywhere scattered

one victim of random cardiac arrest fell to the ground

an on looker from across the way watched as everyone became such chaotic a scene

within seconds everyone was scrambling

hot glue oozing left dropt on a table

cash drawer left open to the register as everyone began

can you imagine

yup this is how it is

how it goes

happens so fast

life as an emergency volunteer

I’ve been there

Become One

I Love how his eyes gaze into mine as if he’s staring into a large open wide sky
The stars of intimate flame burn within his gaze yet he keeps silent so not to tell
However I feel and see his racing heart I feel the pounding fast beats
I see his heavy breathing and intimacy written in his eyes not at all a surprise
True love holds strong tales tieing two bonds as one lust becoming war, making love becoming forever one
two worlds once separate and of themselves met as soul mates thru fates door forever changing upon entry and becoming one forevermore
Not Lust, Not just sex, not one night stands mad to last all night tonight it’s making love,
becoming one putting meaning behind actions and names making one future bond for eternity and lifelong ends
New beginnings, New blessings a new life making and creating a whole new you
It’s not just sex its making love and adoring each other in every essence of way seeing each other from deep within and without to bring the best of the best from beneath each other out
forming a foundation of the outer heart to build upon the inner heart and plant upon it your true mark on love’s open door

I love the way he dreamily stares at me with just  slight smile as if to silently say you now I love you close your eyes and rest upon me I will keep you warm and safe
lay you head gently upon my chest and I will keep you warm have no fear I have shown you always in everyway I am here it’s ok now rest and stay calm I have given you all of me
It’s not about the sex it’s about the love the inner peace he brings and holds the entire way he sits by my sides it’s about the gentle feel he releases chemically as he just so subtle runs his fingers across my soft face
it’s about the bond you begin when you find that true one and find your one
your soulmate your beauty your sun it’s about when you make that choice together as two seperate human beings to together choose to become one

Today Is Not My Day; Today Death Will Not Take Me

 Take this fear from my hand
Make this pain leave my mind and side
May the thought of Cancer leave my mind free and jubilated.

   Nothing is real until I have been told by my doctor at the office
Let this evil leave my side and the good fill me at me at my sides
I have no reasons to run, fear or hide today I shall not run away

   Fill me with all the good that stray by and by me each day and night.

   Do not let death find my way today is not my day
Let the angels stay at each corner and round me protecting me all the hours in an entire day/ evening/ sunrise
Today death will not take me
Today is not my day

The Good Old Days Of The Nineteen Ninties

Remembering the good old days

when we could play in the streets

stay out till nine catching fireflies

hang outside under a tree

painting or drawing till evening day break

when you didn’t need parent’s at your side

you were trusted to open your front door and come in at nine

those were the good old days of fun and play

when Saturday morning cartoons were the best cartoons on

Times have changed so drastically since Ninteen-ninty nine

Now you have to keep the doors and windows locked and stay everywhere by your child’s side

You can’t stay outside playing in the streets like we did as kids.

Where’s the freedom and reality gone

from 1999-2015 it’s gone to the dogs

You always have to know what’s going on

kids are no longer free to live and and have fun as we did once

what happened to live long and prosper

trust and rely

a different age

a unknown new world we live and die

unfamiliar, not how we were raised brought up on

He-man, Shira, The beast master

Reading rainbow, and much more fun learning and interactive good shows

What’s life got now

My honest thought is a lot more trash

defiantly not Punky Brewster,

Popples

Care bears

or learning good morals health smart brain foods

and healthy meals

This time we live is such busy stress and no family time in so many families around the world

I miss the days of the nineteen nineties

Those alone were the good old days.

Stop Bullying Me And My Family

I try to stay focused on positive thinking happy thoughts

yet watch my life wasting away

Night after night someone very sick or hurt

public places questioning me and threatening me like I’m mad, bad or crazy

When all I am doing is remaining the best single parent I can be

a mom of four, one not with me

I try each day to make ends meet and be sure the kids are always looking proper, nice and neat

yet each day I drop the kids at school to hear nothing but complaints of the staff and teachers are bullying me and don’t believe

Don’t they see that I MOM takes care of her three

Don’t they see the frustration of the way that life is and has been treating me

yet all the tears and love pouring out to protect the kids from understanding and seeing

Don’t they see that I am doing al that I can to change this reality

Don’t turn on the kids and bully them or me because you are blind to see the true realities of what is really happening and taking place

DAMN!! They act as if this single mom of three is a criminal and is stalking her pray to bring back and feed the starving fierce monsters inside

Like we’re a starving pack of wolves circled close around in time to make an attack REALLY!!! insane

Being a single mom is not easy as itself

then to add drama… REALLY?

I am human

I do feel

I can hide and be a hermit if I wanted to

I can walk away and free myself

yet instead I stay and fight to be there for my family and protect my kids

Can you not see that keeping them safe and happy is all that is in me

Stop bullying me and definitely stop the child bullying with my children

you are staff of a school

you are here to plan kids futures and teach and help learn

Do your right jobs and STOP trying to find faults in me and my family and trying to make me out to be a monster I am not,

never have been, and never expect to be It’s never been me I couldn’t even hurt a fly if I even try.

I am only doing what I can to help provide as a decent mom SHOULD.

I am fighting rights to live and survive

I am being strong even thru all you are giving me as well as a life of too much medical hell as well

Is this not a free country

what happened to freedom of speech

Go reach out and condemn those who deserve your bully

the real criminals

the real no goods low life’s

STOP BULLYING ME AND MY FAMILY