Tears dropping down my face like bead towards the ground. My heart aching as my chest screams out. A black cloud of evil hangs over my life. Wings on my back overused have worn out. I’ve gone mad, I’ve lost my mind. Nothing I do in this secular world is good eneough or satisfied. Broken hearts all the time no more words said. My life just a story without details slowly being made. A picture in a book that can’t be seen.
Here i am the one who has to try to survive while my mind is gone and racing. I’ve lost my mind. Stand me up tall. Make me know my paths,my roots, my story that I see no endings with. Waisting my time,my day,my life, my mind is just not what I had on my mind of what mind I claim and have left.It lays in minds eye. I’ve lost my mind. Continue reading In Minds Eye, I Lost My Mind
As I look over your life i’ve seen you within me
I sort throughout old pics of the special times between you and I
I come to one specific photo
One photo that I took of you while we were at the park noticing a glow on your body as if you had an aura or something around you
Looking a bright radiant as if light were shining off your body as if it was then that you jad first gainied your angel wings
I’ll never know maybe that day was the day that you gained your angel wings and it all just took times for you to fade and die from the illness you had claimed but either way the more I look over your life the morw that I see you within me and see how lucky I was to have you as a mother to me.
My life may never be the same again with you not here by my side I know
Making me each year miss all the closeness we had as mother and daughter now that your gone
However not forever
For I know that one day will come when I will see those wings as your very own wings you have fully grown and gained
I was just lucky to have seen the beauty of you being given the welcoming of that honor that very day
Your radiance is so over powering and radiant in this one photo a tearlet fills my eye just to see it
Evenmore showing the beauty of you within me.
There is just somthing more about that photo that day it just speaks louder than any words could say
Fully showing out your own true beauty
A life we live we always are trying to make right and find a beat. Yet many a time it’s cut short and ripped righr from bwneath our feet
Even the best of the best, and the best we can be gets torn up and taken away
How do we fight our lives when they are drawn beneath within cold bloods set free.
We don’t have to be a marine or in the army to be the best that we can be
We can find that alone in our own life journey
I’m not saying we all live on easy street
Nor am I saying life is easy by any means
I do know however that it’s always tearing apart at the seams.
Life is almost always twisted, not fair and a huge dismay.
Even when we live hour by hour and day by day knowing that tomorrow could be our last and final day
Living to be the best we can be in everything and every way.
When the world takes away what was once ours by blood and by roots as if it ment nothing to bring shame itself into life’s crazy twisted game.
It’s just not fair by any means
When the world takes and tears apart our blood and dreams.
Feeding us our last breath without even any warning at times, yet other times subtlety forshowing us to help us make the outcome change but at times we just dont understand until afterwards it’s just too late
It’s then that you’ve begun to see and understand the form of reality now lying in your very own hand
Many a time they try to make things right
it’s good women and men
Children and friends
Who’ve always been there
Been a friend
Held your hand throughout till the end
The good people that make the world a better place
A safer place
The type of people who think with their minds and not by bullets, or guns or a forbidden thought of gaining a fight
The type of people who earn, show and gain respect
As they fight deep in silence of their own given mind with hospital s and doctor’s caling them crazy
Locking them secluded from all other lives and saying that their mad and they have no friends.
When truths be told they are not crazy as said. They are thinking straight, properly picking their friends and unlike many to most doing exactly what they should be doing…using their heads as meant given by God himself.
Another good man taken and gone with spirits in the wind.
Thoughts inspired by a good man gone to soon by the wrongs of bad men who cared none.
For my dear friend Alex Linville
You will be held forevermore, yet also missed at each new coming year and all years thru.
It takes a soul to own a heart
It takes a heart to own your life
It takes a brain to feel inside that heart
But it takes everything to believe
Believe in yourself
Beelieve in faith
Believe in your life
It takes everything to believe and be happy and free
You have to believe in you
to believe in me
Like it takes miracles to believe your faith
Or seeing beyond the realm of earth to see an angel and her wings
You have to believe in you before you can believe in me
You have to hold hope dear and true
Making hope pure to believe
Once you believe it then becomes a reality
You’d give your life for this child you bore
Yet right now you cant do much more.
Not knowing this disease hand in hand
Not even an understanding of what is still to come
How do I even face something of the unknown hidden in disguise
There is not even one thing I could even lend ideas to have toward this hidden frame work beneath her flesh and skin
One day all is well
All is okay
But any second or given moment everything could all change
What will the change bring
Answers I can not even say because
Below her skin is deep mystery
She is and always be my daughter
I just dont even know what to do or how to help her
I feel inside that one day maybe this disease will be no easy thing as it’s never been before; however this time it will be much much more so mich more than ever before
With talks of bone and marrow and transfusion in so many other children who are worse than her
My child who is still one year new to this specific disease layed on her life
I’m really okay knowing that she is facing a serious disease which God chose me to see, but I just wish I had more to understand and so much more to give
So many questions
So many answers in the search list
Prayers being sent twenty four seven
For one more good year to be added on to her life still
I dont even know if this will one day take her tiny hand from me but I know that is an underlying possibility
I just wish I could see her beneath the skin of possibility so I’d better be able to search the answers and know better what to give to help her the way that she may need
I can not see into her body to know what’s happening or what she may need
I can not give help for what I do not even understand it’s all just mystery lying below
As we just await for the opening and closing of the next chapter of her doors
But no matter how bad she may feel she always has a smile to portray as she continues to pull it thru
as she proclaims…”Mommy it’s okay…you’ll see it’s not my time to leave I dont want to leave…I want to stay”
My little girl never a faded smile
She carry’s her smile everywhere all the time
She knows the Angel she is deep inside
She knows how important she is to be here with me and I am not afraid for I know she is okay and safe
it’s all still the same I wish I understood so much more for her and knew just how the best I could better help her
No matter what she is still my tiny little girl