Teach Me Your Laws

The real truth’s of (Me)
This is a great place to give more details about me, as the Webmaster. I could give personal information about my family, my job, my education, and my hobbies and interests; however instead I’d just like to start by telling you the truth’s about me. My thruth’s basicly formed my testimony of truth about the man called Jesus. He saved my life and turned me around. For that I thank him. I will start by writing you this letter.
To those who care;
I know that you all have your own opinions and thoughts about me, but I need to tell you now. No-one knows me better than myself. I will tell you my truth’s and put it to you this way. You all have heard and know through my life I have been hurt and abused. At times I have been the one to hurt. I have done many things and have made many wrong decissions in my past. This I admit to. Yet I would ask that you not put me down, or critisize, or condem me for my mistakes. That’s exactly what they were. They have made me who I have become they have taught me the things which I have needed to learn and experience to see my truths. No-one can help someone learn something. They can only show them and help them know the way to teach it to them. However, a pupil needs to learn and experience something on his/her own to know and understand it. In time they will begin to see for themselves, and they will than begin to grow and mature. Now having said all that; I can say the horror I don’t like to bring out but know that if and when I do it helps me to heal, grow and mature in myself as well. As it may speak to others who have been through similar.

I was a young girl like you. As a child at the age of 3 I was molested. Later in life as I began to grow and mature, I became very shy and fearing in some ways, yet in other ways not. I then became a high school teen and made many wrong decissions and was rebellious a bit more than other teens didn’t care what my parents said out of fear of being raped, beaten, or killed by a guy if I decided to say “no” this was my fear because my first time that I had ever had sex was a date rape which I had been through that took my verginity. I could never talk in depth fully to anyone about this for many years out of fear of the result. 1994 I went to National Youth Confrence (NYC “94) where my life changed and I changed and most of all I had gotten saved. I had listened to a women speaker who spoke on sex,drugs and date rape she was the only one I felt called to listen to even as Oliver someone who I had met at the conference still continued to rebel to the conference and kept trying to do our usual of having a conversation during the mandatory speaker as to us it was purely boring, well until this one speaker. She had all the right words and topics to grab my attention and make me feel like she was talking just to me. I kept telling Oliver to hush and listen. He questioned me and said “you’re kidding me right, since when are you interested in this bullshit stuff” I turned to him and said I dunno, since it is actually good choice of topic as this women spoke she invited anyone to join in a national youth conference anointing service as she brought it to close. I had never had one or even knew what it was they were talking about but something was calling me to take pry in it. So when the service began I stood up and walked all the way down from the very top of this college stadium down to the bottom and stood scared in front of the person doing the anointing feeling like I’d be criticized for what I was about to do but I knew that I was being called to my duty to do this. The anointer said some words to me though all I can remember is god be with you and bless you as they anointed my forehead with a cross. Uncontrolled weak within me I just collapsed and could not move crying uncontrollably with peace as I felt the Holy Spirit baptize me as well running throughout my body straight from my forehead to my toes. I was crying and at peace at the same time but unable to move they took me to a prayer tent where a pastor spoke with me telling me “God loves you no matter your sins” then he asked me to tell him what was bothering me and what was I feeling that God was speaking to him that I’ve sinned and been hurt. This is where I opened up for the first time ever and he told me when you return home you need to tell your family and your pastor what you have just told me “your faith testimony” so when I returned to my church after the confrence, I had spoke with the pastor about becoming a baptized member of the church. So I went through the membership class and got baptized into the church. To go through the membership class you had to turn something over to God for him to take from you for you to grow. You had to turn over three things to give unto him. So for my vows which I had given to my God. I had said Lord, for my vows to you I would like to turn over my smoking and drinking, my cursing, and my act of sex. If I had thought about it at the time I would have turned my abuse over as well, to free myself of the guilt and pain. Although I didn’t. I don’t like my past, nor do I like who I was but I have survived and seen my faults, my mistakes, in myself which allow me to fall and sin. I have begun to learn many of my weaknesses but only through my own experiences, and my own stories.
The first time I had ever experienced sex was NOT in sex ed; cause I never had that course, it was in experience. I have grown, survived, matured, and made it through a tough life. From a series of rapes, 1 beating a couple of stalkings as well as a random sexual phone abuser. I had remained a victim for many of my teen years through most of my life. Not seeing anything of my teen years. Only seeing what would not blind me. A lot of my teen life I was numb unable to understand myself, my choices and my actions. Through growing up I have been able to finally begin to open up about everything. Slowly begining in 1994 at NYC when I first talked with someone after holding it within myself for over 5 yrs. starting at home confiding in my brothers I spoke first to them asking them still not to say anything that it had to be said by me when I was ready. Then later with my parent’s. All this then helping me to begin to heal and see and learn more about myself, my life, my future and my present. Also begining to help me to feel my emotion again, and not be so numb to everything. I have learned and been wittness to myself and of myself. I have seen my falls and my highs and while experiencing life have also experienced myself. I know my past looks bad but in reality it’s just a tiny part to my big finale of who I will be when I get to my finish line of life. To the women I have finally become. To the women God had planned me to be. Yet knowing I may take a while to get there through my choices in life, and the dessicions I chose to make, and will make. I suffered in many ways… stumbling many obsticles. All in all my biggest lesson I have learned over the years of horror time and time again which brought me to salvation; is to always open up to those around you and always be honest about all in your life, no matter how hard it may be do not hide anything because in the end it will only bite you back. So now I try my best nolonger to live in the flesh by having sex. Before I even get into a relationship I open up and am honest with a guy before the guy even has the chance to fall in love with me. This was how I met OneSoulJourney at the time Fordmustang in the test of survival in Yahoo messenger chat room prayer pal friends in a test of faith now 33 years later after I told him over the phone I was not going allow myself to trust him or get close to him I try to live for Christ more because he pulled me up from the wreckage of all my hard times and complications, and was faithful by showing me the way and reguiding me. I guess we did for each other because I saved him that night from suicide. Yet, all Christians get misguided and back slide, and again I admitt that at times I have. These were the things I needed to learn on my own. Although in your eyes you will only see peices of my life and percieve it as you will. Only I know the truth about who I am and what my life was like. When and if I feel compfortable sharing it and talking about it with others then I will. Although I have slipped at times. I am not afraid or ashamed to be honest. Jesus was. So now I am being honest with everyone so that they don’t see me hiding in my old mask anymore. Everything happens for a reason. If I can be a survivor so can others who experience similar things. At the right time in his own time my faults will be judged by one judge, and one judge alone. My faults will become miracles and blessings. So to conclude I’d ask you not to judge me and to say Thank you for being my friends during my life here on this place called earth. Lots of love. Thanks!

The History or Story Behind My Site
I have created this site out of love for Jesus Christ who gave his life for me to live. Also out of lots of kindness and caring for other teens who may not know the man they call Jesus. I have seen Gods face and I know his story is alive. So I will do all in my power to show christ’s love through me. So that it may shine on others around and near me.


Trials and Temptations
James 1 Vrs.2-7, & 12-18 NIV Bible 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. 12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 13When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 16Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created

Psalm 119:64 (King James Version)

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The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes.

All the earth is God’s devine creation and all in it is given full of God’s mercy teach me the rules of that of God’s fully his 💕love

Faded Darkness

Faded by darkness night after day

going to darkness fading away

blinded by sight  mar and mar

today is trembling the night away

faded by darkness night after day

Going to darkness fading away

lost in the silence that stumbles my pathway

shadows all  amongst saying whispers with the wind

blowing silence by silence

bringing darkness my way

Love Never Fades Or Dies

Love never dies
Sometimes it hides tucked away deep inside
Pushed back away by scars and wounds hindering still deep within our lives
Yet the love binds us deep inside even with standing all given times
Even when we begin to try to move on ahead in life our love tugs and yanks at us pulling us back again were our strongest grip and hold binds us not to let go.
Even stress can’t always make our love die
In time it only sometimes makes us think we need to run away and hide just like the wounds and scars others have left behind
Holding tight to grip and embrassed and inter twined wrapped up in love is where we are to stay together in eachs arms to live a long health filled life
Together where we feel as one
Where we know we feel safe
Our love never dies
Sometimes it just takes lost roots or paths or runs down and hides inside
Like a turtle in a shell it locks deep wothin a hole to get away from the pain and scars inside
Yet it still even then will never fade or die
Love never fades or dies

Didn’t We Almost Have It All

I sit in this wild loud room with many different thoughts and dofferent conversations going on in every direction of the room. Not one more standing out then the other.
Noise levels raising and falling like heavy drops of rain
As I sit here listening not rwally ease dropping on one one subject or another just listening to what people are saying
In the other ear the studio music plays “Didn’t we almost have it all”
Just taking all around me in is making me really realize how different this world has become and how so many things have just changed over the years.
When the world almost had it all in life in a time when you were safe. In a time when you could put yoir trust in all around and almost everything and anyone was known to be good.
Now looking back and seeing all the evil and shame which has over taken humanity and earths name. With violence and guns involved somehow in almost everything makes me see how I realize I can see them saying Didn’t we almost have it all? When the world was once a better place? When life was once something to look forward to and once something worth living.
Didn’t we almost have it all, but then in a sudden moment all that and everything was taken away as if swiped from beneath our various sized feet. Now I see what the world has become today and I say didn’t we almost have it all couldn’t we be doing a better thing? Looking forward to Sunday on the coming on the thirteenth they have a national subway thing for a special subway event where everyone rides the subways with “No pants Sunday” or how about the event seen in Philly “Nude Bike Day” and this is excepted okay by many of the world around. Honestly. I gotta ask what has this nation, government, and world come to? Didn’t we almost have it all? Living in this world today has just become unsafe and pure crazy.

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A Form Of Reality, The Good People

A life we live we always are trying to make right and find a beat. Yet many a time it’s cut short and ripped righr from bwneath our feet
Even the best of the best, and the best we can be gets torn up and taken away
How do we fight our lives when they are drawn beneath within cold bloods set free.
We don’t have to be a marine or in the army to be the best that we can be
We can find that alone in our own life journey
I’m not saying we all live on easy street
Nor am I saying life is easy by any means
I do know however that it’s always tearing apart at the seams.
Life is almost always twisted, not fair and a huge dismay.
Even when we live hour by hour and day by day knowing that tomorrow could be our last and final day
Living to be the best we can be in everything and every way.
When the world takes away what was once ours by blood and by roots as if it ment nothing to bring shame itself into life’s crazy twisted game.
It’s just not fair by any means
When the world takes and tears apart our blood and dreams.
Feeding us our last breath without even any warning at times, yet other times subtlety forshowing us to help us make the outcome change but at times we just dont understand until afterwards it’s just too late
It’s then that you’ve begun to see and understand the form of reality now lying in your very own hand
Many a time they try to make things right
it’s good women and men
Children and friends
Who’ve always been there
Been a friend
Held your hand throughout till the end
The good people that make the world a better place
A safer place
The type of people who think with their minds and not by bullets, or guns or a forbidden thought of gaining a fight
The type of people who earn, show and gain respect
As they fight deep in silence of their own given mind with hospital s and doctor’s caling them crazy
Locking them secluded from all other lives and saying that their mad and they have no friends.
When truths be told they are not crazy as said. They are thinking straight, properly picking their friends and unlike many to most doing exactly what they should be doing…using their heads as meant given by God himself.
Another good man taken and gone with spirits in the wind.

Thoughts inspired by a good man gone to soon by the wrongs of bad men who cared none.

For my dear friend Alex Linville
You will be held forevermore, yet also missed at each new coming year and all years thru.

The Place I Once Loved And Lived (Connecticut)

It tears my heart apart.
A state of mind I can not comprehend inside
A state I used to live and love
While I went to school away from a home
Where I called since my very own childhood
A state that I once met many a face that I could call a friend now a place where you have to never turn your head and keep peering over your shoulder instead
Hard to believe this breaking news I see…
This was not the state I had chose to stay and study and learn in my life back then.
This was somewhere I truly thiught about prayed about and missed for years. Now torn apart down deep into everyone’s hearts
Filling their eyes with tears
Making them hold tight their very own little ones hands and hugs so much more tighter instead. While crying out their hearts and eyes for all those innocent lives with their very own hearts for both. Reminding themselves and saying…That could have been mine instead.

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In memory of those affected by the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary School, CONNECTICUT

The Hand That Reaches

The hand that reaches out

Is the hand that’s meant to save

to grasp and embrase in tightness, love and understanding of many and all things

the hand that reaches out digs it’s own path and keeps it maintained

it’s the hand that will hold you high not letting you fall to the ground

it’s the hand that you will brag about and lend out for a friend who is in desperate need

It’s the hand you’ll keep around as long as it still grabs on strong that of a forever true friend.

the hand that reaches out is one that will never leave your side.

that will be the hand that hangs on to you and holds tight to yours walking you thru life

This hand embrasing yours never letting go

guiding you forward knowing always what’s got the best for you

it’s the hand that will lead you thru your dearest endevors and throughout your journeys in life

it’s the hand that will keep you walking tall and remind you to hold your head up high

the hand that reaches out is the one that will make a change

the hand that reaches out will give you what you need

it’s the one who will help you find a brighter tommorrow

give you a better day and help you always to find your way

the hand that reaches out is the one with the promise for tomorrow

who will be the voice for the future

who will remain with you for life

It will not leave you to sink and drown in sorrow

or leave you alone when you’re in fear

It will bring hand together lifting you up in prayer

the hand that reaches out will make you stronger holding on together

it will keep you open so that you are able to stay strong and find your own journey home

the hand that reaches out will not walk away when you call on it

it will be there in an instance never to let you down

this is the hand that I want

a forever friend with me

keeping me above them and helping me within my needs

this is a hand that keeps you happy and gives you what you need

it shows you all your worths and knows exactly what you diserve

this is the hand that reaches out

paying it forward

changing time

changing life

changing you and your own life

Rest In Peace, Rest Your Head

Rest your soul little one
Ease your mind
Lay your head upon the land
Settle your tiny feet
Life was short, and taken wrong
But in your new life you are safe from harm

Not what we the people wanted or saw in our eyes
But seems that God had a beautiful plan for you indeed
What we thought would come to be did not come at all.

You are innocent and pure
You will be remembered and loved forever more.

The way you left was wrong I know
But you’ve earned your wings and moved on to where you now belong and see

Quiet and rest your soul now little one. You soon will find yourself within a better and safer and more beautiful place

Rest your head, rest in peace
Ease your mind you now are defenately in a much safer and better place.

Dedicated to Saanvi Venna
Who’s life was cut too short and was taken from us by a wrongful way. May you rest in peace Saanvi Venna you shall always be remembered here forever with me.

SPCA entry #2 Helping trouble

Dear Reader,

Please help Trouble to get the surgery that she needs, to end her pain.

Last week, the Pennsylvania SPCA Humane Law Enforcement department received a call from a concerned citizen regarding the poor health of a neighborhood dog. When Officer Richard Loos went to investigate, he found Trouble, a 5 -10 year old female Miniature Pinscher. The infected sores covering her face and ears made it readily apparent that Trouble needed immediate medical attention.

Trouble was rushed to the Pennsylvania SPCA shelter hospital where she was examined by our veterinary team. It soon became clear that the sores on her face were a sign of something far more serious: a severely infected and ruptured ear canal.

A condition like Trouble’s does not happen overnight. It takes months or even years of chronic, untreated ear infections to irritate the ear canal to the point of rupture. Trouble’s suffering could have been avoided. After enduring so much discomfort from years of neglect, we want to end her pain once and for all.

The only way to permanently alleviate Trouble’s pain is a surgery called TECA (Total Ear Canal Ablation). This surgery will completely remove Trouble’s ear canal and all of the diseased tissue, thereby making it impossible to become infected. Unfortunately, TECA is a specialized surgery, one that we are unable to perform at our shelter hospital. This is why we need you.

We need your help to raise the $2,000 necessary for Trouble to see a specialist, receive this life changing surgery, and finally bring an end to her suffering. Please make a gift today, so that Trouble can receive the surgery that she so desperately needs.

Thank You!

or call (215) 426-6304 x272

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