Faded Darkness

Faded by darkness night after day

going to darkness fading away

blinded by sight  mar and mar

today is trembling the night away

faded by darkness night after day

Going to darkness fading away

lost in the silence that stumbles my pathway

shadows all  amongst saying whispers with the wind

blowing silence by silence

bringing darkness my way

Broken And Forgotten Tears

Broken And Forgotten Tears

Given time it’s said it may return and all will be fine

in my heart I try to feel, see and believe

though I just don’t foresee it coming back to me

I fear this may be too real

for someone to one day know you inside and out and all the way around

yet then totally forget you as if you never were anything

others may not understand and may be okay with the new ways

Though for me this is too deep and too real to let go of for eternity

When one person means the world to me

yet has faded and drifted out of reality

I can not face or accept this

I can not make myself happy over this

I have given my entire life over this one person

I have spent every hour of everyday sharing writings and song with this person

to just sit back letting this person slip away and forget me as if I never even remained

I’d rather accept death than heartbreak an heartache

this rips my heart to pieces and tears me at it’s seams

I once shared everything with this person

they were my realities and my family

now they stare the unknown fear of strangers in my eyes

making black shadows form in my soul hidden in fear and tears fall from beneath my eyes.

I can not hide my fact of me sitting here beginning to cry

everything becoming erased and ripped from deep within every craves within me

feeling violated of all my secrets and personal things I entrusted within them as I once had

nothing left but a fearful blank stare making me sad and cry each broken tear.

broken and forgotten tears

left to flood any feelings still waiting to share once more that I may never see that day

This is the truth and the pain I can not face

A Form Of Reality, The Good People

A life we live we always are trying to make right and find a beat. Yet many a time it’s cut short and ripped righr from bwneath our feet
Even the best of the best, and the best we can be gets torn up and taken away
How do we fight our lives when they are drawn beneath within cold bloods set free.
We don’t have to be a marine or in the army to be the best that we can be
We can find that alone in our own life journey
I’m not saying we all live on easy street
Nor am I saying life is easy by any means
I do know however that it’s always tearing apart at the seams.
Life is almost always twisted, not fair and a huge dismay.
Even when we live hour by hour and day by day knowing that tomorrow could be our last and final day
Living to be the best we can be in everything and every way.
When the world takes away what was once ours by blood and by roots as if it ment nothing to bring shame itself into life’s crazy twisted game.
It’s just not fair by any means
When the world takes and tears apart our blood and dreams.
Feeding us our last breath without even any warning at times, yet other times subtlety forshowing us to help us make the outcome change but at times we just dont understand until afterwards it’s just too late
It’s then that you’ve begun to see and understand the form of reality now lying in your very own hand
Many a time they try to make things right
it’s good women and men
Children and friends
Who’ve always been there
Been a friend
Held your hand throughout till the end
The good people that make the world a better place
A safer place
The type of people who think with their minds and not by bullets, or guns or a forbidden thought of gaining a fight
The type of people who earn, show and gain respect
As they fight deep in silence of their own given mind with hospital s and doctor’s caling them crazy
Locking them secluded from all other lives and saying that their mad and they have no friends.
When truths be told they are not crazy as said. They are thinking straight, properly picking their friends and unlike many to most doing exactly what they should be doing…using their heads as meant given by God himself.
Another good man taken and gone with spirits in the wind.

Thoughts inspired by a good man gone to soon by the wrongs of bad men who cared none.

For my dear friend Alex Linville
You will be held forevermore, yet also missed at each new coming year and all years thru.

The Day We’ll Never Forget…..A Day They Call 9/11

The day we’ll never forget

A day two planes flew through the sky leaving a jet stream unforgettable

The day we all lost a friend, a child, a sister or brother

a father or mother sheds a tear never like any other

Miracles were born that day

all evil was in sight

with evil’s face showing itself and Christ’s arms hugging and embracing everyone there that day

face’s seen in the smoke and clouds that day

with angel’s standing by

Christ wrapping himself around the human race trying to keep all he reached safe

a grandparent lost her grandkids, by a life taken upon that site

emergency responders from all around the world coming in to respond and help all those who could be saved

Fire’s burned. screams were heard. building’s crumbled and fell

leaving massive rubble throughout the center of one New York town

leaving an open ground they call ground zero

Photo’s became history to remind us forevermore

three responders raised the flag in respect of all who died there that day

while others planted a giant cross upon that sight in remembrances of those souls scattered that day

while a nation learned how to work together and unite for the noticeable first time

Now eleven years later after all had been cleaned and remained

you still hear that story live upon the streets

you still feel the emotion of reliving that very september day

and that day now holds a name as it became a piece in national holiday history

a day they call 9/11

the day we’ll never forget

Where I Am Weak You Carry On And Stay Strong

Where I am weak you carry on and stay strong

My tollerance takes tolls as I try to continue to climb

Obsticles in my way blocking out my guiding light

I run at times

I run and hide

yet in it all get lost and tired out trying to find my way

Day by day I begin to break down and cry

still trying to grin and bare it still moving on

Life’s got a tight hold

a tight grip tearing into my vision and sight

my heart begining to bleed

my fingers begin to shake and tremble

I feel myself begining to go numb

I feel my stress tearing me down

Looking for life’s little high to help me reagin the strength to come back up high

Helping me to stand my ground

I turn my head and begin to again look around

With no words to be said

my feet still not sturdy on the rugged ground

I have more than once slipped and fell

this time i am having trouble being able to liift my head

My place has not been found or met

I’m at a hault with no help to get

no friend around to break my fall

as i suffer what energy i have within myself left

Where I am weak you carry on and stay strong

Shooting Stars

Shooting stars go above the moon
For you too, maybe it’s too soon
It’s okay because we’ll go to bed
I just want to know one thing
One question I have for you
Why do shooting stars go above the moon
Shooting stars go above the moon

Written by my daughter
BrieAnna Age 7

My Heart(The Song)

O my heart
My heart, my heart
My heart…..

My heart is changing
My heart is changing

O my heart
My heart,my heart
My heart is beating

My heart is beating
My heart is changing
For you

My heart is changing for you
For me

My heart is changing everyday for you
Each day it changes in a different way
Changing for you and for me

Written By My Daughter Sarah Age 6

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,900 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 48 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Two Drown Lifeless But Revived, Friday’s Dream

Okay so the night before this I had a scary dream that I awoke crying from and just can not seam to put past my mind. We all went somewhere unsure exactly where but as usual Dan just gets me there and than disappears.

So apperantly we were at a hotel or work out center and myself and the three kids were awaiting his return where we were apperantly swimming in a pool somewhere which I must say seems to in reality of day be your three favorite past times right now swimming. Well anyway I was swimming with you three and we were playing with a blow up raft or something, when this dream suddenly fade to grey and comes back to another scene. With many people around I should have been able to find out a how or why or even a what happened but that was not so. I look around in a panic seeing now in this dream that the three has dropped to just Brie and me…oh my gosh we are no longer three… where are the two babies? In a panic I begin to look when sudden commotion arise around yet across the pools side. Life guards all rushing to the side I look to glance to see what I could see there were the two missing babies together as if they had been trying to play both lifeless settled upon the floor of the pool I scream and begin to cry tests falling hard from out of my eyes frantic and swimming to both of their sides to pull you from the water myself,yet the Lifeguards holding me back. Me yelling I can get to them faster saving us time that we don’t have on our sides. Whispers being heard ….Oh lord save their sweet little innocent lives. Please lord don’t let the two children die. Help those guards regain their lives I pray. Three statements and phrases that I should not be hearing that day, however in the situation okay I should but not the way I wanted that day. The guards got you out and together two performing CPR on you there in front of me, rolling you two to the side in hopes of getting out some of the water. You both looking so pail and not moving one bit. I myself begin to pray and turn my eyes away hiding my face because I can not bear the sight yet still knowing that I still have one daughter I have to still protect and be strong for. Together we wait neither of us knowing how or what happened or even why they had not been with me…or had they and for a minute we had just lost sight. My dream would not and did not explain or show that. The other guards tools us two into the guard quarters so that we did not see what would conspire as no one at this point could be sure. One guard with tears in his or her eyes I still am not sure looks at me and asks may you answer some questions for me please. I replied quiet and yet still in shock yes. The guard asks who is here with you today? I replied myself and my three kids. Their father dropped us off and was with us when we first arrived however as usual has disappeared leaving my side and at this point I don’t even know if he is here or where exactly he is. Then the guard says could you please state for me your name and the names of your three children with you. Politely I do as asked tears rolling harder down my face as I begin feeling as I as a mother have failed my three. Then the guard looks at me and says you know I saw you and the kids come in here today and I thought you seemed familiar to me as a tear rolled down that guards face and they said now I know just why…. puzzled I glanced and said huh? As the guard then said you took me in and made my walk in life strong just when I needed it most Jen. Jen it’s Alex from about 15 yrs ago or so. I take this job serious and under my skin and right now this is even hurting me I will always pray for you and I wish you best of luck. With that the other guards come in carrying my two babies in and say here you go miss please come with us they are doing well but just to be sure we would like to get them checked at a local hospital. And handing the babies to me they prepare for the trip and that guard asks me one last thing Jen one last thing before you go on your way. What ages are the children? All three? Six,Five and the baby is three I say. With that the dream ends and I wake in tears and fear the entire day. Then I begin to think why did I not know what really happened to them, and who is Alice or Alex and it all came running back to me maybe it could be Alex hall who was a big inspiration in a time of need in my early life or could it be Alex …. never knew her last name who we inspired each other and she was one of my students that my mom and I had one year back when we taught VBS years back. I may never know when or why this name came to me nor if this dream is something real but I awoke crying and have not been able to shake it from my mind or sleep now.

Written by J. Palmer aka HevnSwtAngel