To Forever Unite

Waiting on God to smile me away

Find me new life and bring me back to it again this day

Fear of never knowing driving me mad

While dreaming of him lying alone next to me in my bed doesn’t ease me still

To forever unite 

I still question shall I honestly ever see as every man I truly ever loved gets torn away from me 

I can’t drive to mingle and meet 

Then the questions always why?

But I rely on God that he’ll find me  yet my only walls is all my reality of life

A family

A great happy life

Be something great 

Were all the dreams I had within me 

Yet it’s only homelessness and these walls sourounding me now instead

Will I ever see tomorrow, be happy and forever unite

That question still locked in my files in my head remain true tonight

Torn By Death

Torn between life, love and death

This is something we see and face each day 

But yet somehow it’s different when it involves 

The one that your deepest darkest areas of your life go to

Watching it happen with VIPs around you friends and families are one thing

But seeing it happen with the one closest to your heart is something totally different indeed

It shatters your insides makes you feel like you want to hide

Makes you want to just sleep and cry

You sometimes don’t even feel like you even know who you are inside

Then to remember and realize once again that you have to question if this may again be facing a final goodbye

All the fears you ever hid inside and bottled up or left to rot and die never did and all surface back up to the top again as if the devil is peeking in to say Hi

Every fear jar opened and stinking of stench again as the truth of the moment comes alive again

Death is never easy alone as it goes yet to go thru death or even a possibility yet again of it with the one closest to your heart 

It stabs you like a dagger deep into the heart 

Alone it’s not easy to face and never will be but then to smell it as if you were in a dungeon or taste the sailine or see the wear of aging taking that loved one before your eyes it’s even more scarier then ever once was before. 

It leaves you standing face to face at deaths open door

You stand there torn by death

Your Heart Song

When you speak without a voice and can be heard for miles away by the ones you love

When sign language isn’t the what’s breaking the silence 

When it’s a bond bond beyond any communication or knowledge one can teach

It comes from within your soul, spirit and heart 

It is your heart song

The one voice only you can speak with and hear

The symbol that you draw things so close and cherish things held so dear

If you listen in the dead of the night you can break the silence and find your heart song  and so weak without saying a word

You can speak without a voice 

A Something…

Titanium I post this video to share with you tonight because this song is hitting home in my soul tonight as I know ya’ll have noticed I haven’t been posting as frequently currently. YES I am still sick with the bronchitis and still have the concussion from the assault, however I also have personal things I have not yet told anyone about yet as I have not known what or how to say them each and everyone in and out of my inner and outer realm of life are each their own very special to me I’d never want to hurt anyone. I thank all of you for being a part in my journey called life. In four days my daughter goes in for her most extensive blood procedure surgery she has ever had yet of all of the ones she already has had to go thru, also myself they have learned something is going on as well with me however not yet sure what the something is exactly. I know I am strong, I am titanium. Many a time I withstand all that rolls my direction. I’m sure I may again however I can’t ignore this. The other day I awoke in pain and when I went to the doctors they took some neck and shoulder X-rays looking for an injury, however finding no injury they did find “a something” below my clavicle and above my heart they believe where there should only be air and empty space in that area of your chest they found “a something” and are sending me out for further studies and scans to try to learn what it is. If you look closely, it looks like a medium water balloon yet doctors have no idea what it is. So granted to say I may be titanium and strong but I’m still scared and curious and worried about tomorrow in both events happening around me. And I am still human. Please keep me in thought and prayers.IMG_0202