As I look over your life i’ve seen you within me
I sort throughout old pics of the special times between you and I
I come to one specific photo
One photo that I took of you while we were at the park noticing a glow on your body as if you had an aura or something around you
Looking a bright radiant as if light were shining off your body as if it was then that you jad first gainied your angel wings
I’ll never know maybe that day was the day that you gained your angel wings and it all just took times for you to fade and die from the illness you had claimed but either way the more I look over your life the morw that I see you within me and see how lucky I was to have you as a mother to me.
My life may never be the same again with you not here by my side I know
Making me each year miss all the closeness we had as mother and daughter now that your gone
However not forever
For I know that one day will come when I will see those wings as your very own wings you have fully grown and gained
I was just lucky to have seen the beauty of you being given the welcoming of that honor that very day
Your radiance is so over powering and radiant in this one photo a tearlet fills my eye just to see it
Evenmore showing the beauty of you within me.
There is just somthing more about that photo that day it just speaks louder than any words could say
Fully showing out your own true beauty
Monthly Archives: January 2013
As I look over your life i’ve seen you within me
Whats the matter here
Your sitting on the side of a rainy street
Stairing at the puddles glistening in the moonlight watching each raindrop plop down making each and every ring like the tears falling from within your eyes
Yet you ask what’s the matter with me
That is a question raising in my mind everynight
What’s the matter with you
Secluded to yourself
Hiding within your own shadows
And not openeing up to me
What’s the matter here
Like snowflakes falling on a windy and dreary night with a frostbite chill filling the air pulling you farther down beneath more into the black dark pool
Yet you continue to ask
what’s the matter with me
Don’t you see your own soul is falling beneath your dreams sinking and waisting into a deep dark wet cold sea
Can’t you see your very own life drowning and pulling you deeper still
I try to pull you closer to me to keep you out of the drowning seas yet you still sit and staire saying what’s the matter with me
Can’t you see that I am holding you together at the seams
I am keeping your head held above water myself
The question still remains not what’s the matter with me ,
But rather instead what’s the matter with you?
I can’t keep you afloat forever on my own alone
I don’t have all the strength to pull you on my own forever
Eventually you need to tred on your own pulling me along
I dont want to let go till you have both your feet back on the ground
Where you can again stand alone and take my hand without the struggles pulling you down.
My heart is heavy
Aching inside trying to have you lift your head and look me in the eye rather than your face stairing so hard and intense like fire burning into the puddle in the grounds.
You just need to take your heart and will back and return to me so that you may finally again then see me
That I may then help you back up close to me and back to your feet.
So you can stop asking what’s the matter with me and we may finally see really what’s the matter with you.
Each day I live watching each passing hour wondering if this will be the year that the man that my eyes focus on in my dreams will finally come and sweep me off my feet. Running away to earths end over mountains and hills past meadowlands and through valleys leaving all dismays and my old life truly behind me.
I know the finally moving on and letting go will be the hardest things to do.
Yet if I truly want out of this black hole of tormoil and domestic Violance and dismay then it truly needs to be today.
Otherwise my life will follow in circles under the same path traveled today
By then it may not be dismay, it may then be Just too late.
I need to leave out now yet there is looking no Chances of change
Yet being homeless is not easy or safe in anyway.
I know he is out there and that he knows the beats of my heart
However each coming year brings hope for him to come this year
Sigh but for now I’ll have to continue to face and have faith that never been married may finally become love at first sight, married before moonlight.
To then leave for a honeymoon under the sun with horseback riding and long romantic walks along the beautiful sunny beaches of sand.
Creating a life filled with many long filled memories of he and I.
Today is a day of celebrations and resolutions yet I try remaining festive and focused but the feeling is just not there
Its feeling of no coming change and feelings of negativity inside.
This is not the way that I should feel in the begining of the newyear and an end of another year
I know that I should be happy but I just don’t feel any tonight. I know to think smart. I know this soon shall pass too.
However seeing all the happy festivity around is bringing more tears into my eyes it’s only making me fall deeper into the crevasis of dark. Saying goodbye to 2012, and opening the doors to 2013 is just not giving me much hope. I am obviously feeling overwhelmed but that comes with this time of the year. It will soon slow down a bit and I am sure that it will get better too. However that doesn’t change my feelings now. I honestly can’t wait for life to go slow. Looking for the hope and settle into the coming new year. Happy New Year Everyone.