Twenty Thirteen – I Need You Here

Crying sitting on the stairwell
Wishing that I could run away
to be with you…
by your side….
Holding you in my arms
Hand in hand
Arms around you holding you tight
Not to fight this battle alone with you is where I belong

To stay by your side
helping you to fight this fight
Is where I really want to be
With you, and you here with me.

Looking into your eyes with tears filling mine….I don’t care just as long as I am with you here

Helping you get well and me on my vwry own too
With you is really where I belong

image

Holding yiu so tight for you to battle and win this fight

Making you win and not battle Anymore
Never to take or loose your hand.
Been fighting this for five yeaea.
Not to loose you.

To truly give my life for you to live
If only I had the choice
If life for us meant spending each day together in the hospital to be able to keep you safe and me by your side i’d be okay with thag to be sure that you stay safe and I can be with you as you are mine

This was not what I had invisioned for Twenty Thirteen in anyway
I only looked forward to the hapiness of the big coming day to soon set away
looking forward to becoming a happy family indeed

Being with you forever was once my dream
But it had always remained a distant reality

Something I had set as a goal in my life to finally find and be with my special dream guy

You were all I ever talked about shared photos of and kissed every shot I had just to get that chance throughout fate

Hoping for magic to find it’s way
I never saw this coming with you fighting to survive and chancing being taken away.

this is not how I had planned twenty thirteen to begin our future reality, our dreams
We all were so happy
We had everything all layed out and planned down patent

I miss talking to you everynight
I miss you being goofy with me even when I am most pissed or upset

I miss you telling me everything will be alright when I am overwhelmed or stressed inside

I miss you telling me all about Abby and all else going on that I have missed along the way.

I miss that goofy smile always brightening up my day
I need you here to be by my side
Day by day and everynight

Life’s Edge

You say things I have told you are in my thoughts yet you pound them into my soul and head with pain within my heart. I’ve shared me secrets and my dreams. Makeing them a tear upon my eyes.
I explain my reasons and my feelings expecting to wait and have hope in me.
However you turn your cheeks the other way and shun my life and who I am turning away and running from me. Where has the ignorances come from my lofe has been a dream away from me and left it rambled in contastrophy. Is my dream relationship and of marriage ever gonna come to be as I am said to clean me out and up at life’s last edge.
Each time at life’s new begining comes to be a great big failed end. Now nothing more to shine in beauty.

Another Year Gained

We’ve reached another special day today and eventhough your not here your name has still reached and holds a new era.
Another year gained and another year older you’ve became. Now at age 13 soon would have been age 14 and your name still and forever will always hold special meaning. Happy Birthday Katrina!! Each year ahead holding out new mystery.

Didn’t We Almost Have It All

I sit in this wild loud room with many different thoughts and dofferent conversations going on in every direction of the room. Not one more standing out then the other.
Noise levels raising and falling like heavy drops of rain
As I sit here listening not rwally ease dropping on one one subject or another just listening to what people are saying
In the other ear the studio music plays “Didn’t we almost have it all”
Just taking all around me in is making me really realize how different this world has become and how so many things have just changed over the years.
When the world almost had it all in life in a time when you were safe. In a time when you could put yoir trust in all around and almost everything and anyone was known to be good.
Now looking back and seeing all the evil and shame which has over taken humanity and earths name. With violence and guns involved somehow in almost everything makes me see how I realize I can see them saying Didn’t we almost have it all? When the world was once a better place? When life was once something to look forward to and once something worth living.
Didn’t we almost have it all, but then in a sudden moment all that and everything was taken away as if swiped from beneath our various sized feet. Now I see what the world has become today and I say didn’t we almost have it all couldn’t we be doing a better thing? Looking forward to Sunday on the coming on the thirteenth they have a national subway thing for a special subway event where everyone rides the subways with “No pants Sunday” or how about the event seen in Philly “Nude Bike Day” and this is excepted okay by many of the world around. Honestly. I gotta ask what has this nation, government, and world come to? Didn’t we almost have it all? Living in this world today has just become unsafe and pure crazy.

image

image

Beauty Of You Within Me

As I look over your life i’ve seen you within me
I sort throughout old pics of the special times between you and I
I come to one specific photo
One photo that I took of you while we were at the park noticing a glow on your body as if you had an aura or something around you
Looking a bright radiant as if light were shining off your body as if it was then that you jad first gainied your angel wings
I’ll never know maybe that day was the day that you gained your angel wings and it all just took times for you to fade and die from the illness you had claimed but either way the more I look over your life the morw that I see you within me and see how lucky I was to have you as a mother to me.
My life may never be the same again with you not here by my side I know
Making me each year miss all the closeness we had as mother and daughter now that your gone
However not forever
For I know that one day will come when I will see those wings as your very own wings you have fully grown and gained
I was just lucky to have seen the beauty of you being given the welcoming of that honor that very day
Your radiance is so over powering and radiant in this one photo a tearlet fills my eye just to see it
Evenmore showing the beauty of you within me.
There is just somthing more about that photo that day it just speaks louder than any words could say
Fully showing out your own true beauty

Stop Asking What’s The Matter With Me, What’s The Matter With You

Whats the matter here
Your sitting on the side of a rainy street
Stairing at the puddles glistening in the moonlight watching each raindrop plop down making each and every ring like the tears falling from within your eyes
Yet you ask what’s the matter with me

That is a question raising in my mind everynight
What’s the matter with you
Secluded to yourself
Hiding within your own shadows
And not openeing up to me

What’s the matter here
Like snowflakes falling on a windy and dreary night with a frostbite chill filling the air pulling you farther down beneath more into the black dark pool
Yet you continue to ask
what’s the matter with me

Don’t you see your own soul is falling beneath your dreams sinking and waisting into a deep dark wet cold sea
Can’t you see your very own life drowning and pulling you deeper still

I try to pull you closer to me to keep you out of the drowning seas yet you still sit and staire saying what’s the matter with me

Can’t you see that I am holding you together at the seams
I am keeping your head held above water myself

The question still remains not what’s the matter with me ,
But rather instead what’s the matter with you?

I can’t keep you afloat forever on my own alone
I don’t have all the strength to pull you on my own forever
Eventually you need to tred on your own pulling me along

I dont want to let go till you have both your feet back on the ground
Where you can again stand alone and take my hand without the struggles pulling you down.

My heart is heavy
Aching inside trying to have you lift your head and look me in the eye rather than your face stairing so hard and intense like fire burning into the puddle in the grounds.

You just need to take your heart and will back and return to me so that you may finally again then see me

That I may then help you back up close to me and back to your feet.
So you can stop asking what’s the matter with me and we may finally see really what’s the matter with you.

Chances Of Change

Each day I live watching each passing hour wondering if this will be the year that the man that my eyes focus on in my dreams will finally come and sweep me off my feet. Running away to earths end over mountains and hills past meadowlands and through valleys leaving all dismays and my old life truly behind me.
I know the finally moving on and letting go will be the hardest things to do.
Yet if  I truly want out of this black hole of tormoil and domestic Violance and dismay then it truly needs to be today.
Otherwise my life will follow in circles under the same path traveled today
By then it may not be dismay, it may then be Just too late.
I need to leave out now yet there is looking no Chances of change
Yet being homeless is not easy or safe in anyway.
I know he is out there and that he knows the beats of my heart
However each coming year brings hope for him to come this year
Sigh but for now I’ll have to continue to face and have faith that never been married may finally become love at first sight, married before moonlight.
To then leave for a honeymoon under the sun with horseback riding and long romantic walks along the beautiful sunny beaches of sand.
Creating a life filled with many long filled memories of he and I.